But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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