i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
