Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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