I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
