i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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