Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
