Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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