Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
