I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
