I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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