apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
