Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
