he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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