True but thats because hes a fetus.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
