I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
