On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
