Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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