2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
