I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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