You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
