ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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