I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
