so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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