im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
