im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
