Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i think im in europe. pls send help
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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