I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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