She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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