no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
