proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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