i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
