Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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