My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
