Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
