brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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