would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
