I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
