This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
