so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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