Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
