But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
