Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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