he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
