I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i barfeds in our rink
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
