This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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