She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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