I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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