Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Boobs speak an international language.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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