So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
