I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
