wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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