I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
