Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
