now i know why i became what i already was.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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