this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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