he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
