Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
