i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think i have herpe
just one?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
