Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
