so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
