The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
