What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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