Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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