the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
