He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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