Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
