wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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