last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize