Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
