i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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