He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
