sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
