I'm sorry my penis didn't work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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