I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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